SWSMadvert – by Emma Dunn
Man’s amusing Facebook Marketplace advert for sofa “not f***ed* on by anybody
A man advertised his sofa as a “virgin couch” in a hilarious Facebook post – and says it sold in 38 minutes.
Dan Jones, 37, decided to come up with a unique way to sell his old sofa by reassuring potential new owners that it had never seen any sex.
He even offered a “certificate of authenticity” to say the 2.5m couch had “not been f***ed* on by anybody”.
The hilarious post received hundreds of comments and messages and Dan’s advert worked as he sold it in under 40 minutes.
Dan, a brand ambassador, from Croydon, said: “I thought it was a fun way to sell my couch.
“I wanted to do something a bit different.
“It’s a USP for a couch.
“You have no idea where it’s been.
“I even offered a certificate of authenticity.”
Dan, who is originally from Australia, shared the post in a ‘Aussies in London’ group – to help out those moving to the UK like he had eight years prior.
He was upgrading his sofa and wanted to sell it on for £150.
He said: “I was bringing a bit of laughter to the group.”
Dan’s post recieved comments such as “I want to buy it just for the description – I don’t need a couch.”
Another said: “Oh damn, I was looking for one that has been f***ed on.”
Dan said the sofa sold in 38 minutes.
He sad: “It was really lovely fella who took it.
“He had a good laugh at it and genuinely needed a couch.”
Dan’s Facebook advert –
Hey you!
Has your dream of being the second owner of a really nice couch not come true?
Is it because the thought of the original owners rooting all over it has given you the ick?
Look no further than my UNFUCKED ON COUCH.
It’s BIG (2.5M wide, chaise is 1.7M, seats are 1M) and guaranteed to NOT BE FUCKED ON BY ANYONE.
It USED TO BE EXPENSIVE (I think I paid £850 for this fucker) but now it ISN’T. That’s because it has seen some shit but NONE OF THAT IS SEX.
There are a few marks here and there but they are 100% guaranteed by me, Dan Fucken Jones, that none of them are CUM.
Just to be sure, the couch will be professionally cleaned before you collect it from my house in Croydon (you will need a van, There are zipcar vans available about 1/2 mile from my place)
Has the Couch been WANKED ON?
Maybe.
You would have to ask BILL.
who’s Bill?
He stayed at my HOUSE ONCE.
Stop asking so many QUESTIONS.
There is a small scuff where my puppy Luna had a crack at the couch arm.
BUT that is easily fixed by PUTTING A SMALL BLANKET ON IT (I have shown you how to do this in the photos). I will throw in the small blanket for FREE.
As well as the blanket, I will personally make you a certtificate to prove that this couch has 100% NEVER SEEN SEX. I have a premium canva account.
So this spectacular specimen of a VIRGIN COUCH could be yours, for just £150.
If you wanna offer me less, TRY ME, but I know what I’ve got.
Contact me here, legends.
ENDS
